I hate being an adult sometimes. I hate that I have to make grownup decisions that cause huge changes in my life and the lives of my family. Sometimes I just want someone to tell me what to do. (That way I have someone to blame when things go wrong, right?)
In reality, I really just want to have my own way.
My way. But, military life or not, that just doesn't happen. I'm not in control and anytime I feel like I am, it's just an illusion. Have I mentioned I hate not being in control? I do.
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Right now I feel like I'm stuck in the middle of a game of tug of war. I'm being pulled between Virginia and Georgia. I don't think my arms can stretch far enough!
I guess the biggest question is... should I stay or should I go now? If I go there will be trouble... if I stay it will be double. (Am I seriously posting lyrics from The Clash on my blog?)
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There are compelling reasons to stay but there seem to be more compelling reasons to go. And since I just sent the paperwork to Ft. Belvoir to schedule the movers, I guess the decision has been made. I'll just sit here and second guess myself until I'm in the van and driving south on I-95.
Throughout all of this I'm so grateful that we homeschool. It's the one constant in the kids' lives right now, besides me. Despite that fact, I'm getting a lot of pressure from well-meaning people who think I should stick the boys in public school right now. It just doesn't make any sense to me. Why would I disrupt their lives even more? If you homeschool, do you ever have people suggesting that you put your children in public school to make things "easier" for you? How do you respond?
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The kids are excited to see their old friends and play at their favorite playgrounds. They want to see their old rooms in our old house and play on their swing set. I hope and pray that I'm doing the right thing for them, and for me. I have to admit that I can't wait to see familiar faces and hit "my" Target. I'm picturing myself enjoying an iced mocha and watching the azaleas bloom when Masters week rolls around. I see myself happily packing up and heading west when our house sells!
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My brain hurts from all of this thinking. Seriously. So much to consider!
I do know one thing though... it's going to be an exciting year!
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I just hope I survive 2010 with sanity intact. That's a good goal, right?